Sometimes, late at night, I can be found lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling, and wondering what the future holds. It’s not a peachy-keen future, although I’d dearly love to be wrong in that assessment. In no particular order, here is what crosses my mind in those dark, late hours.
- How will I get my gray roots touched up if we barely have money to survive?
- Should I stock up on Nice’n Easy Natural Dark Golden Brown, shade 120A?
- Will my kids be able to go to college? Will there even be colleges when they’re ready?
- Will I end up looking like those desperate, haggard women in the photos of the Great Depression?
- What if I saw a mushroom cloud right now, what would I do? Granted, it would be hard to actually see a mushroom cloud from my bedroom at two in the morning, but who said my thoughts at that late hour were rational.
- What would it be like to live in Canada? Forever?
- I really should get to the gym more often. If I ever have to make a break for it, if I ever had to run from terrorists, I’m not sure how long my legs would hold out.
- How long can a family live in a foreclosed house before the bank or the cops show up?
- If I move up to a .40 caliber for my concealed carry, how on earth am I going to conceal it when I’m wearing a tank top in the summer?
- Is all this a bad dream? Will it be like one of those Star Trek episodes where all hope seems to be lost, and then you realize it was just a pesky temporal loop?
- Is Gerald Celente a prophet or a little off his rocker?
- I wish I had never read Patriots.
- My kids don’t know it, but their future isn’t as bright as mine was at their age. (It’s right about here that I cry a little.)
- What if all that dehydrated food I bought at COSTCO tastes like crap, and we’re stuck with it?
- I really should learn how to start a fire with a flint. I’m just worried that my hair or fake nails will catch on fire and that I’ll look like an idiot when the fire department shows up.
- We probably should go camping more often so we’ll learn some practical survival skills, but then again, we have all those timeshare weeks we have to use up…
- Will Social Security even exist by the time I reach retirement age?
- What if life gets so bad and so hopeless that I lose my faith in God?
- Please, God, don’t let things ever get so bad that we have to use “reusable toilet paper.”
- Okay, if I look out the window tomorrow and see a group of armed bad guys heading toward our house, what do I do? (Paranoid Dad says, “Shoot the closest one first.”)
- I should have taken a Tylenol PM.
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