Aug182012
Survival Survey: Staying safe when out and about with little ones
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image by Ed Yourdon
My kids are 10 and 13, so it’s been quite a while since I’ve had to worry about diaper bags, strollers, and juggling kids and grocery bags. One of my Facebook readers, Rachel, asked this question, and I wanted to post it for input from all of you, especially if you’re a mom with little ones.
Do you have any tips geared towards self-defense/personal security while schlepping around toddlers? I live in a city where crime against women is on the rise and always feel so vulnerable when I’m out with my daughter… I’m kinda at a loss about self-defense techniques to use when I’m, for example, putting her in her car seat or carrying her and a bag of groceries or such…
Here are a few tips I have for Rachel.
- Before heading toward the store, tuck only the absolute essentials in your pocket: a debit/credit card, keys, cell phone, and do NOT carry a purse or diaper bag into the store. Subconsciously, you’ll be tracking the location of that bag, it will slip off your shoulder, or in a panic, it will spill or cause your attention to be distracted in some other way. Free hands = a mind that can focus on your surroundings, including your kids.
- Know about the four stages of situational awareness. From Chapter 8 in my book:
- Level White—oblivious and only slightly aware of surroundings, people or events.
- Level Yellow—relaxed but alert.
- Level Orange—alert and focused on a specific person or event
- Level Red— A very real danger is happening NOW!
- Practice being at Level Yellow as you run errands, travel in your car, etc. Pay attention to details. Watch for anything suspicious, anything that makes you feel uneasy.
- Whenever possible, leave your little ones with a very trusted friend. This will allow you to take care of errands far more quickly, and it will be easier to be alert and ready to take action than if you had babies and grumpy toddlers and diaper bags and a stroller! (See! I remember those days!)
- Limit your errands to locations in safer neighborhoods, with plenty of other moms, and in daylight hours. Bad guys/gals don’t want to get caught, so they prefer to do their skulking around in the evening through early morning hours. They’ll avoid locations with active security or police presence. They’ll look for victims who are especially vulnerable: women, women with children, and the elderly. It’s your job to not appear vulnerable by your body language, eye contact, and smart decisions.
- If you have no choice but to be out at night with your children, ask if a store security person can walk you to your car and always park as close to the store entrance as possible and under a street light.
What other tips do you have for Rachel and other moms like her?
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(18) Readers Comments
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I love my DivaCup. Going on 6 years (with a year or so off due to havi
A Review of the Diva Cup: Not for the faint of heart. (Men, avert your eyes.)
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Emily B.
I have 7 children from 16months to 13 years old and when I run errands, I usually have at least 5 children with me. I always try to have everyone fed, pottied, and diapers changed before we leave. That way you can leave the diaper bag at home or at least in the car. Plus, if you have a vehicle kit, you really shouldn’t need diaper bag at all. Also, I frequently remind them that if I can’t see them, I don’t know that they’re safe. Period. They are always within sight and reach. Oh, and I always buddy them up and they must hold hands. Always. That cuts down on straying and wildness in public places. Hope that helps!
Emily B.
Rozann
We taught our young children that if they got separated/lost to look for another mother with children or a grandmotherly looking woman to ask for help. Woman are generally more sympathetic to lost children and usually a safer bet than a “uniformed” male. Never had to use that skill, but as I also taught them “It’s better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it.”
RightWingMom
We taught our sons the same thing and are convinced that this tactic is very wise.
Warning….
We tested it when our oldest was 5 y/o. We were in an Office Max where the shelving is low enough that my DH and I could see over it. We noticed our oldest wandered off so we held back and watched to see what he would do, keeping him within our sight the entire time. When he realized he was alone, we walked up to a middle aged lady and said, “I can’t find my mom.” To our shock and dismay, she only replied, “That’s too bad.” and WALKED AWAY from him!!!
We ran up to him and embraced him. Told him he did a FANTASTIC job and that IF that EVER happened again….find ANOTHER lady and repeat what we taught him until someone helped him find us.
Side Note ~ I was too distracted by helping my son that the lady left the store and I never had a chance to tell her what a disappointment she was: to the safety and security of a child (not really) in need!
countrygirl
Wearing practical clothing, shoes, etc. If you do need to drop your grocieries and run after a child or into cover you don’t want to lose your shoes or have them slow you down. I wear my old running shoes around for day to day errands.
Situational awarness as mentioned above is big, also not appearing to be a victim. “bad guys” look for easy targets if you have some training in self defense you are less likely to feel vulnerable and look vulnerable. There are great articles on the internet for carrying a concealed weapon with small children and infants.
Tammy
My daughter’s older now too, but when I go out with my friend’s six year old, we play a game. “Let’s see how many people with red shirts we can see,” I’ll say. Or, “how many white cars can you find?” These kinds of activities keep both of us scanning and engaged with what’s going on in our surroundings, which I think is the biggest key to safety.
Something else I practice – which I was reminded of by your comment about parking close to the store – is to notice places I go where it would take me more than 30 seconds to reach other people if I had to run, and/or where it would take more than 30 seconds for someone who heard me screaming to reach me. When I’m on my own or with my teenager, I treat those spots as places where I need to be on heightened alert. When I’m out with littler ones, I just try to avoid them as much as possible.
David
We give our kids (age 6 and 4) bright yellow Emergency Essentials whistles. We put them on a string around their neck and tell them to blow it if they get separated or if a bad person tries to take them away from mommy and daddy. We’ve had many people ask us what the whistle is for (usually store clerks or moms). When we tell them, the responses are all positive. This tells me that people notice them. Hopefully bad guys notice them as well and it is a deterrent. Will the kids blow them if they need to? I hope we never have to find out. But the discussions with the kids of why they wear them is important as well.
Raven
We’ve taught our kids that they’re supposed to kick, scream, and bite if someone who’s not mom or daddy tries to pick them up or take them when we’re in public. I park close to the shopping cart return, wear one kid in a carrier on my back, and the other two know they have to be physically touching the cart. I also shop during daylight hours, and avoid dodgy areas when they’re with me. I also keep alert and scan constantly.
Caitlynn
Whenever I go grocery shopping with my two kids (18months and 4 years) I ask for help out to my car. It gives me an extra person so I am not by myself and also frees my hands for other things. Its something simple but it makes me feel better especially after dark, though I live in a small town and know pretty much all of the clerks at our local store other people may not be as comfortable with this idea as I am.
We also have a rule with our kids that if we cannot touch them they are too far away. Our 4 year old has learned this rule pretty well because her ignoring as resulted in us leaving a few fun stores.
Courtney Dion
One thing I always do is park as close to a cart return as possible. My son is almost 3. I never carry bags in hand when leaving a store. If necessary, the cart can be used as an impromptu weapon and/or shield (obviously not a good shield for guns) between myself and a possible attacker. Personally, I’ve never really had to buckle my son in the seat, which means I could grab him quickly out of the cart if needed. When I return to the car, I always put my son in first, then my purchases. He’s more important than stuff, so I’d prefer someone steal my stuff than steal my son. Parking beside or directly across from the cart return means I don’t have to stray too far from my car.
Purchase a keychain kubotan (ninja spike). You can keep it on your key chain and when walking into or out of a store, keep it tucked in your hand, it gives you some protection if you don’t have a concealed carry permit.
H. (eyes wide open)
It is interesting how we think, I personally NEVER put my child in the car first then my groceries. My thought is to keep my child near me. If I put them in the car to finish emptying the cart and walk away to put my cart away, even a few feet, what would I do if someone jumped in my car to steal it using my child in the car as leverage for me to get in the car as a hostage also.
Hard to say what scenario is more likely, but this is a possibility.
Courtney Dion
I agree that is a possibility, but for me, it’s less likely than someone grabbing him out of the cart. In my car, I only unlock doors when I need to open them, so if I’m opening his door to put him in, I only unlock that door, then lock it back after he’s safely inside. Then I unlock my door to get in.
But, yes I do consider that possibility and have thought a lot about what scenario I would more likely encounter considering my current habits with the doors and everything.
Jeff H
Situational awareness is key, but so is LOOKING like your aware. Criminals prefer soft targets. If you are alert, are actively scanning your area, and are focused on what is going on around you…difficult with little ones, I remember…you will decrease your chances of being assaulted. And better safe than sorry. If your “spidey sense” starts tingling, there’s probably a reason, so pay attention to it. Do you really care if a store security guard or clerk thinks you’re paranoid?
Eve
We live in AK where the daylight hours in the dead of winter are from 10 AM to 3 P.M. When my two boys were young, I would tell them before we went out to our Suburban to get in as quickly as they could. I unlocked the door, lifted them in, literally hurled my goods inside, and then shut and locked the doors. I did not worry about getting them into their carseats and belted in until we were all safely inside with the doors locked. In the front, we had bucket seats with a center console in the middle, and I had my husband remove this so I could move freely between the front and middle seat where my sons sat.
We also used to shop at a mall where we usually had to use the elevators. If the doors opened, and there was a man or a couple of men and no one else, I would say out loud to myself , “Oops, I forgot my ….[whatever]” and turn away from the elevator. Have been in elevators once or twice with very creepy folk, and it is better to be safe than sorry, especially when your little ones are with you. It’s not like you can run and leave them behind if a bad situation develops. Better to be paranoid than sorry or dead.
countrygirl
Good advice on the elevator. I also live in AK, but very rural, no malls here. The early dark hours do pose a safety risk when shopping and running errands. I know that some erands can be done via mail or internet. I’ve opted to do this lately to reduce running around my small town. I figure every little bit helps.
Mb
Couldn’t agree more with Jeff: LOOK like you’re aware; LOOK like you’re tough. I grew up in a rough area and you learn a few things about your eyes.
1.Be aware, but don’t look around with a nervous glance everywhere. Looking straight ahead (most of the time) with a sense of determination on your face will allow you to see plenty in your peripheral vision and convey confidence.
2.Don’t stare at random people. Where I grew up, staring at someone was enough to provoke a physical attack.
3. Unless you think they’re already a threat. In that case, stare at them hard and whip out your best, “Come near me and I’ll rip your face off,” look. Mean it. Practice it. Don’t hesitate to use that look.
I also second Jeff’s advice to trust your instincts. Most of the time, you’ll never know if your instincts were right, but it’s better not to find out the hard way. Personally, I’ve had the unsettling benefit of learning that my instincts kept me out of some really bad situations a number of times.
With the grocery cart & small child juggling act, here’s what I do:
1. Park as close as possible to the shopping cart return.
2. Pull the cart up to the car and unload groceries with the little one in the cart, but right next to you.
3. Lock the car.
4. Return the cart and take your little one out.
5. Go back to your car with your little one in your arms, get everyone buckled, and head on your way!
When I nannied two kids, the older one knew to keep a hand on me, on the shopping cart, or on the car at all times, keeping him within arms reach of me. When getting back in the car, the older one climbed in first and started getting settled in his seat while I buckled the baby in. If you feel like you need to, you can be fully inside the car with all doors locked while everyone gets buckled.
Know that it is possible fend off an attacker and protect your child at the same time. A mother in my neighborhood was attacked by four men while she was walking home from the bus with her baby. She fought them off single handedly while clutching her baby with the other hand. Neither she nor the baby were harmed. The assailants didn’t get her purse either
m.
I’m sure I’ll get some grief for this but it’s the truth: One of the most important choices I have made to help keep me and my child safe is to only have one child! My mother has 7 children and babysitting my siblings when I was younger is what led me to this decision. I remember being at a store and trying to take care of 2 sprinting toddlers at the same time. It was terrifying. I’m never going to make myself go through that. I don’t know why anyone would.
I may decide to have a second child later in life, but I’m waiting until my first child is able to care of themselves a little better first, that way they can be more of a help than a hindrance when it comes to safety.
Side note: Spread out your errands over a couple days instead of cramming them all into one afternoon. That way you can be more relaxed and aware of your surroundings. And run errands in the morning, that way if something takes longer than expected you won’t be out when it’s getting dark.
Casey
I haven’t carried a purse in years. Instead, I have a fanny pack (or “waist pack”) strapped on. Lots of advantages:
(1) much harder to steal than a purse,
(2) can stay attached while eating in a restaurant,
(3) harder to forget and leave somewhere since it’s attached,
(4) handy — everything is right at my fingertips,
(5) better for posture than a purse pulling down on one shoulder,
(6) makes a great perch while holding a toddler or small child — while they hold onto you, your hands are free,
(7) easy to bike ride with, and
(8) hands free for a busy mom with kids and groceries.
Here’s a picture of it: http://www.rei.com/product/778452/rei-full-lode-waistpack.
I *love* it. It’s very sturdy, but I bought several extras just in case it wears out someday. I consider this “purse” essential survival gear.
survival gear
I don’t leave a response, but I read a few of the comments here Survival Survey: Staying safe when out and about with little ones | The Survival Mom™. I do have 2 questions for you if you tend not to mind. Could it be simply me or does it appear like some of these responses come across like they are coming from brain dead folks?
And, if you are posting at other sites, I would like to follow you. Would you post a list of every one of all your social pages like your twitter feed, Facebook page or linkedin profile?